Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
