So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
