theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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