At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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