6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
