Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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