I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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