I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
