did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
