there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
