You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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