Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
