dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
