i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
