I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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