He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
