just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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