she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize