Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
