We got so high we made milksteak
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize