I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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