drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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