you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
