I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize