I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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