how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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