I am puke
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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