Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He passed out mid-signature
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
