even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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