Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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