Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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