and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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