there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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