PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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