Tell her she can't have a vagina
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize