he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
