Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
