that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
