Already got asked if we're dating
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
