I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
