Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
