When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
