Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
