I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't deserve a penis
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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