trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
