you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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