you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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