Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
