look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Drunk is not a location!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
