The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
