i think i have herpe
just one?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
