Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize