is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
