She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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