I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize