Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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