I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
