using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
