he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you didnt know i had herpes?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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