He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Please don't give away my fajitas
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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