i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
