My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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