You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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