he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
