ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
