She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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