He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
