I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
