i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
