mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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