and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
