dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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