Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
