Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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