all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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