the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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