I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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