You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
