I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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