guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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