Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
