In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
