We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize