i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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