Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
