Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
