You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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