oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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