Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there was a trapeze. enough said
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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