a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
