No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
