Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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