Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
