My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
