i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this just has baby written all over it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
