I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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